Badly Broken
by highwarlockofkokomo
Summary: TRIGGER WARNING! In short Alec is a depressed, suicidal, and self-harming teen. Magnus has anorexia and bulimia. sorry i suck at summarys. the story is better than the summary :/ Warning: talk of suicide, self-harm, anorexia, bulimia, vulgar language
1. Chapter 1

**Authors note: this is my first time writing fanfiction so i warn you now that it will probably suck but enjoy!**

Alec POV

It was something i had gotten used to, accustomed to. The blade in my hand glistened from the light on the mirror causing a cast of light on the ceiling. I let the blade's sharp end drag across my forearm.

_One for not being the kid my parents wanted me to be,_

_Another for being a disappointment to my family, _

_And one more for being useless and a waste of space._

I look down and see the beautiful red liquid seeping out of my skin, down my forearm, over my hand, and onto my bathroom floor.

I can faintly hear my mother yelling at me from downstairs, "Come Down Here! Its time to leave for your support group!" She says. I know better than to not come downstairs and go to the support group, because Maryse would just come up here, barge into my room, and drag me to the group; and the last thing I want to deal with is my mother freaking out again because I have blood trailing down my arm and my switchblade is in my hand. So I clean my cuts with water and antiseptic then place a bandage over the cuts. As I'm putting my long-sleeved shirt back on I catch a glimpse of a scar on my neck right over my jugular; the cut I had made over a month ago that had landed me in this fucking support group in the first place was now just a dark scar and a memory.

I head downstairs and see my mother impatiently at the bottom of the staircase. "It's about time you got down here! What took you so long?" she asked me, "Oh, I had my earbuds in and I couldn't hear you at first" _lies. _"Okay, we need to leave for your support group before you're late." my mother says as she's walking towards the door in her pin-stripe business suit and nude heels.

As she's driving me to Beth Israel Hospital for the support group I keep wondering how this is gonna help me. How are a handful of suicidal and depressed kids suppose to help someone like themselves get over what they are struggling with? I don't know and to tell the truth, most of the kids there probably don't wanna be there just as much as I do. I realize that the car has came to a halt and look up to see the dreaded building. As I'm about to get out of the car my mom tells me to at least try to be friendly to the people at the group.

After I get out of the car and into Beth Israel's I go up to the receptionist desk and ask what room the group is meeting in. After she tells me where the meeting is I head to the mental illness wing and go to the room. I reach for the door handle with an extreme feeling of dread…

Magnus POV

I had just choked down some food that my best friend Camille had made for dinner and the little voice in my head was making me feel incredibly guilty.

_You need to get the food out of your stomach; _

_Go and throw it up; _

_You shouldn't have eaten that;_

_You are gonna be fat;_

_You won't be perfect._

That did it; I got up from my bed and went to my en suite bathroom. I kneeled down next to the toilet. I took a minute to admire the beautiful manicure that was about to get ruined. And then I put my index finger back in my throat as far as it could go and vomited up the dinner that my friend had made me.

Right after I get rid of the food in my stomach I start feeling light-headed and dizzy, I decide that my bathroom floor looked pretty comfy, so I start to lay down but become unconscious before getting my head to the hard tile below me; my head making a faint thud when it hits the bathroom floor. My last thought is hoping that Camille hadn't left anything and come back to get whatever she had forgotten...

*2 hours later*

I'm awoken by a deafening shriek coming from above me. It takes me a minute to figure out where I am because all I know right now is that the room I'm in is not my bedroom. Once my mind catches up with what is going on I realize that I'm on my bathroom floor, my head hurts like a motherfucker, and that Camille is in the doorway of my bathroom emitting the shriek I was abruptly awoken by.

Once she see's that I'm awake she stops screaming and starts asking questions like if I'm okay and what happened. "I think the food that you made wasn't fully cooked or something and I was just so exhausted after I puked that I didn't wanna get up so I just decided to sleep on the floor" I told her even though I didn't even believe the story myself. She seems to be buying my story but then she see's my manicure, or lack of sense I destroyed it earlier. She looks at me and asks me if I made myself throw up on purpose or not. I can't lie to her no matter how much I don't wanna tell her about what happened but in the end I tell her what I actually did and that I had passed out on the floor soon after I got rid of the food in my stomach.

Since I had told her what happened earlier she wanted to know if I had done it before and how many times I had done it and why I did it. Since I felt like I just couldn't keep anything from her any more I told her about everything. I told her about how I had to do this to be good-looking and perfect. I told her that I had been doing it for so long that I couldn't remember when I started doing it and how many times I had done it. After I told her everything she told me that I should get some help for my anorexia and bulimic tendencies. She said that even if I thought that I didn't need help she would make sure I got help, because who else would she take shopping with her?

*The Next Week*

All week Camille had stayed over to make sure I didn't try to get rid of the food that she made for me whether I threw it up or just threw it away when she wasn't looking. I love my beautiful blonde best friend, but I was just kinda wishing she would leave me be already, but she would not leave my side due to fear of me getting rid of my food. Every time I asked her for some time she would always interrogate me asking questions such as why I wanted to be alone and whether or not I was gonna go and get rid of the food in my stomach. Everytime she asked me questions like that I would always lie to her but then I would feel incredibly guilty for lying to Camille; but never once did my feelings of guilt for lying to Cammie overpower the little voice in my head that was telling me I was ugly and needed to lose weight because I was so fat it was disgusting.

Camille is forcing me to go to a support group at Beth Israel's Hospital in about an hour despite the many times that I told her that I was okay and that I didn't need to go to a support group full of depressed teenagers. So now I am currently sitting at the multi-colored vanity in my room applying my makeup while Cammie is laying on my bed reading my copy of the latest issue of Vogue magazine. After I finished applying my makeup I walked over to my walk-in closet and scavenged through my clothes until I found an outfit that would suffice my fashion needs. My ensemble included a lime green tank top that ended just above my navel, pierced by a black iron bar is paired with electric blue super skinny jeans and black Doc Martins. After dressing myself I went back to my vanity and did my hair up in it's customary spikes. It's about time for the support group, but maybe if I don't say anything about it she'll forget and I won't have to go. Not even a moment after that thought crosses my mind Camille asks me if I'm ready because we're leaving now whether I'm done getting ready. I reply back with an as ready as I'll ever be; then we head out of my front door and into my black and white Charger.

After we leave my house we drive to Beth Israel's in remote silence with only the radio playing in the background. When we pull up to the hospital I get out of the car (Cammie is waiting in the car while I'm there) and walk up to the main entrance doors. Before I walk through the doors I take a look back at my car where Camille is waiting and she gives me a big smile and a thumbs up; that gives me the courage to go through the doors and up to the secretary that is stationed right next to the doors. I ask the secretary where the support group is meeting at and she tells me what wing of the hospital it's in and what the room number is. I make my way to the mental illness wing (only getting lost a couple of times) and finally find the room that the group is meeting in but by this time I'm almost twenty minutes late to the meeting. Since I was so late to the meeting I slowly reach for the door handle with a feeling of nervousness...

**to be continued...if you enjoyed this chapter please review, follow, and favorite =D**


	2. Chapter 2

**AUTHORS NOTE**

**I was planning on posting the chapter with magnus and alec POV but ive had finals and ECA's all month so i havent been able to write much. This chapter hasn't been spellchecked or read over so i hope its good and you enjoy it :D**

Chapter 2

Magnus POV

I open the door as gently and as quietly as possible; hoping the people in the room won't notice me. I'm greeted by the sight of a bunch of teenagers dressed in all black sitting in a circle. I can faintly hear a man talking to the group about something but i couldn't really tell. When the man is done talking he notices me and waves me over to the group. I walk over and take a seat in one of the empty chairs in the circle.

I look around at the people surrounding me and notice that most of them look perfectly fine, but when you look into their eyes you see that they are broken but hardened, like a soldier who had just seen his whole squadron get shot down. These teens had seen the world for what it was; cruel, mean, and out for blood.

I finally realize that the man has been trying to get my attention the whole time i was thinking "Would you please introduce yourself?",

"Uhh, sure." i say as I'm standing up to introduce myself. When I'm about to start talking everyone looks up and all eyes are on me, but one pair of eyes are such a beautiful shade of blue that i am momentarily caught off guard.

The beautiful eyes belonged to a boy that was probably about eighteen years old, with raven colored hair and pale skin that's mostly covered by a black jumper that looked too big for him that was adorned with an extensive amount of holes in it paired with black ripped jeans that were basically hanging off of him and gray Vans that like everything else had holes in them. THe boy was a fashion nightmare but damn, I just can't get over those alluring eyes of his.

"My name is Magnus, Magnus Bane"I state, a chorus of the words 'Hi, Magnus' follow.

"Will you tell us a little bit about yourself Magnus?" the man who im assuming is the leader of the group asks me "Umm okay" by this time I'm starting to feel really awkward because everyone is staring at me, probably wondering what landed me in this place. "I like glitter and bright colors! I also like throw parties as well as go to them." I say, i see quite a few eye rolls from the teens but i just brushed it off as if it never happened. After I am done talking, The leader suggests that the teens should go around the circle and introduce themselves. I faintly hear the others talking but I'm not really focusing on what they're saying because I can't draw my eyes away from the blue eyed boy, 'I have got to find out his name' I thought. Ironicly right after that thought crosses my mind it becomes his turn to introduce himself "Alec Lightwood." he says quietly as he sinks down in his chair more; even though it seems impossible to sink into a chair that much. 'He's beautiful' was the only thing going through my mind while he was talking. His voice was so smooth and innocent and his name, oh his name was perfect. After everyone gets done introducing themselves the leader continues talking until the end of the meeting with some of the teens say something, but i couldn't focus on them; all i could focus on for the rest of the meeting was the beautiful boy in front of me with beautiful cerulean eyes that kept peeking up at me from time to time gracing me with their view.

When the meeting was over everyone left and went to their respective vehicles but Alec was still standing near the entrance seeming somewhat anxious. I go over to him and ask "Is everything okay?" "I'm fine" he replies; our conversation only contained those few words but that's all i needed as an excuse to get close enough to him to slip my number into his pocket. As I place my number in his back pocket he jumps as if someone had burned him. obviously he wasn't used to people being near or even touching him for that matter. I walk away with a wink in his direction as I walk back to my car where Camille should be waiting for me.


	3. Chapter 3

Authors Note!

I AM SO SORRY YOU GUYS!

I have had guard/bandcamp every weekday for 9 hours and when i get home i eat and go to sleep. Ive also had really bad writers block since i was writing the last chapter.

I may write a more possitive story because i cant write such a sad story when i have a series of good days.

this story will most likely be on a hiatus until further notice

until next time, bye guys

~Alexander (Alec)


	4. Chapter 4

**IM BACK GUYS, GALS, AND NON-BINARY PALS! YES, THE ALMOST YEAR LONG HIATUS IS FINALLY OVER! I plan not to take a break that long ever again cause that was ridiculous and hard to remember what was going on and where my train of thought was going. And it wasnt fair to any one that was reading this so i sincerelly apologize for the hiatus. ~Aleczander**

Alec POV

On the way home from the second support group i had been forced to attend i couldn't stop thinking about the colorful guy i had seen at the meeting. He seemed so different and out of place in the room full of gloom and unhappiness. He seemed like the definition of happiness! He wore bright colors and he seemed like the life of every party. But when you looked at his body you could see why he was there… his ribs were poking out and his cheeks were starting to hollow out from malnourishment.  
I wondered why he would do such things to his body, for he was the most beautiful human being i had ever seen. His eyes were a captivating shade of green adorned with flecks of gold and his skin appeared to be as smooth as silk. I noticed that he has natural beauty behind all of his makeup, glitter, and eccentric clothing.  
I am averted from my thoughts by my mother telling me that we have arrived home. I go up to my room and take the slip of paper out of my pocket that magnus had slipped in there before he had left. I look at it and i'm shocked at what i see written in sparkly pen...

_765-865-7574_  
_Call Me c;_

**AN: I am hoping to have the other half of Alec's POV up sometime tomorrow since this is so short but i cant finish the rest of this right at the moment since its 3:46 am and im tired as fuck.**

**Like, follow, and review please c;**


	5. Chapter 5

**AN: I'M SO SORRY FOR UPDATING LATEBUT I HAVE SOME REALLY GOOD REASONS! JUST HEAR ME OUT! Okay, so i was just minding my own business when my ex started drama on instagram and it stressed me out and made me have a breakdown. Then the next day at winter guard practice i got nailed in the head/ ear by one of the rifles and almost got a concussion, so i had to take it easy for a couple days. Then I have my first winter guard competition on saturday and im hella stressing cause we don't have our whole show. So i kow this is really late and it's not long and the ending is sorta rushed but there is all decent reasons. Again i am really sorry for this being late but i'll try harder next time. The next chapter is gonna be posted in about a month or so since i lose my weekends to write cause of guard. Thank you to all of the 369 views i got on the last chapter like thats insane that you all like it that much. Also thank you for the reviews cause those are literally what brought me back to writing this. Just thank you all so much ~Aleczander**

Alec POV

Looking at the two sparkly words scrawled on the piece of paper my mind starts going crazy. Why would he want me to call him? Surely nobody with magnus' level of beauty would be interested in him. Maybe he just gave him the number as a cheap joke; isn't that the type of thing party boys do? Even if he really did want me to call him nothing good would come from it. If he saw me for who i actually was and how messed up and disfigured i was he would be revolted and want nothing to do with me.

I decide to try and stop thinking about the mysterious boy's actions for tonight and go take a shower. As i strip off my clothing before entering the warm embrace of water spraying from my shower i catch sight of my disfigured body that is littered with what seems like thousands of silver lines and i instantly feel my self hatred intensify. I go and open my mirror and grab the switchblade from the cabinet hidden behind. I make 6 incisions on my thigh; The little voice in my mind states a reason for every cut i create.

_You're a disappointment._

_You're ugly_

_Everyone hates you_

_You're useless_

_You're a waste of space_

_You're not worthy of love_

I watch as the crimson liquid seeps out of the self inflicted wounds and down my thigh. I quickly enter my shower and wash off the blood hoping that it doesn't stain the pristine white of the flooring or leave any evidence of my affairs. I exit the shower and hurriedly head to my room to get fully clothed in my favorite blue and black plaid pajama pants and an old black thermal shirt with thumb holes in the sleeves. I slide into bed and reminisce on the day's events and eventually my thoughts ease me into dreams of a tall green eyed boy.

**AN: Follow, Fave, Review, or PM me if you like this. i read all coments and pm's and appreciate them all. i might make a new story about color guard cause that seems to be running my life right now. Anyways thanks for reading; you're all awesome**


	6. Bonus Chapter

**AN: Okay so i've been bad about** **new chapters but i figured anything would be better than nothing so here is a poem that Alec has written. ~Aleczander**

Ode to Depression

When happiness leaves,  
her evil twin comes out to play,  
Depression is his name,  
and pain is his game,  
He brings the strong to their knees,  
and watches the strength seep from their eyes.

He strips them down to skin and bones,  
unleashing his demonic friends upon his victim.  
The demons rip with sharp claws across their body,  
mutilating the innocent until the floor is stained crimson.  
The disfigured body lies there motionless,  
with tears mixing with their blood.

He rips hearts apart,  
and steals hope.  
His victims scream out at night,  
"Please set me free!".  
He tortures many,  
claiming some as his own.  
He drives them to the edge,  
some never to be seen again.

**AN: thanks for reading reviews are much appreciated and again I'm sorry about being bad with new chapters ~Aleczander**


	7. Chapter 6

**I'M BACK! sorry for the wait ive had hella homework that i had to get done and i have just gotten accepted for a summer internship and i made news all over the US for a speech I made so i guess you could say ive been pretty busy, but im on break so i figured you guys deserved something. Again this is a short chapter but you guys get both POV's this chapter :) I hope you enjoy the chapter ~Aleczander**

**Disclaimer: i own nothing**

For** later on**

**Alec**

Magnus

Alec POV

Over the past few days I've been debating on calling magnus; the two sides of my mind battling each other.

_Call him_

_He doesn't want you to call him_

_Just do it, Call him_

_He was just joking when he gave you the number_

"SHUT UP!" I yell, hoping nobody had heard me. Of course the last thing i need my family to think is that I'm insane. "Fuck it" i mutter to myself as i reach for my phone. I quickly go into my contacts and find magnus' number and call him…

Magnus POV

"It's been days since i gave Alec my number. Why hasn't he called me yet?" I whine to Camile from my couch. "Maybe all of your colors scared him off." she responded with a laugh from the kitchen "Why are you so hung up on this guy anyway? You usually forget about someone the night after fuck them which usually is the day you end up meeting them." "I don't know honestly. I just really wanna get to know him better." I reply not taking offence to her insinuating i was a whore. "HOLY SHIT! WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME THE APOCALYPSE STARTED?!" She screamed marching out of the kitchen. As she is yelling i see my phone light up and start ringing. I reach over and quickly answer it "Hello?" "..." "Um..I anyone there?" Then i hear a beep and the call ends. "Someone must have had the wrong number." I state, slightly disappointed that it hadn't been Alec. Moments later my phone buzzes only once signaling i had received a text from the same number that had just called.

**It's Alec, is texting okay?**

So it was Alec who had called...I save the number under the name Blue Eyes 3.

**Again sorry about how short it is but if you guys have any ideas please send them to me cause i am clueless on where i want this to go. I have some playlists on 8tracks if any of you guys are interested in listening. my name on there is AleczanderWilliam. You guys know the drill. Thanks for reading ~Aleczander**


	8. AUTHORS NOTE

I'M SOOOO SORRY YOU GUYS! IVE BEEN REALLY BUSY AND I HAVENT BEEN ABLE TO DO MUCH ON HERE! I WILL TRY TO POST SOMETHING DECENT SOON BUT I JUST DONT KNOW HOW TO START MY STORIES AND IM JUST VERY CONFUSED AND BUSY! AGAIN I'M REALLY SORRY! ~Aleczander


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